The World's Longest Joke

The Elephant and the Snake

Once Upon a time an Elephant and a Snake were walking through the jungle...

The snake said to the elephant "Would you like to play a game of snooker?" to which the elephant replied,
"Don't be stupid," replied his large grey friend;, "where are you going to find a snooker table in the jungle at this time of night. And besides, what would happen if David Attenborough saw us? How would go mental."

"David Attenborough, David Attenborough, all I ever hear from you is David bloddy Attenborough. Sheesh! Anyway we dont need a bloddy snooker table. I was going to ask you to play Jungle snooker."

"What's that?" asked the lumbering pachiderm, his trunk swinging slowly in the evening breeze.

"Well," said the snake, "It's like snooker but you play games for points."

"Sorry, but you have definitely lost me now", said the elephant.

"Look", his friend replied (allbeit with a slightly annoyed hissing tone to his voice), "Suppose I wanted to go for an easy shot like a red ball. What I would do is ...oh I know, I would climb that 100 foot high tree over there and thow myself off, come crashing down through 100 branches and land on the rock at the bottom."

"Oh, games for balls, I get it." said the elephant. "Off you go then".

"What?" said the snake, surprised by the Elephant's sudden grasp of events.

"Yeah", said the Elephant. "I will play Jungle Snooker."

"Oh right then..erm .. off I go then" And the snake set off. He went up the 100 foot high tree and threw himself off. He came crashing down through 100 branches breaking every single branch as he fell, hit his head on the rock at the bottom, broke the rock in half, bounced up in the air (snakes are quite resilient creatures) landed on his tail and did a little pirouette. "Done It" he announced.

"Not bad" said the elephant, "but i'm going for the blue."

The snake said "What you gonna do?"

"Well, you see that 200 foot high tree over there? I'm gonna climb to the top and throw my self off. I'll come crashing down through 200 branches breaking every single branch as I go, hit my head on the rock at the bottom, break the rock in half, bounce in the air (us elephants have a lot of padding) and land in the lake. I'm gonna swim backstroke across the lake, using my ears as a paddle and when I get to the other side I'm gonna make sweet love to a Kookaburra".

"This I have gotta see!" said the snake, and so the Elephant set off.

He went up the 200 foot high tree and threw himself off the top branch. He came crashing down through 200 branches breaking every single branch as he fell. He hit his head on the rock at the bottom, broke the rock in half, bounced in the air and landed in the lake. Then the elephant swam backstroke across the lake, using his ears as a paddle and when he got to the other side he smiled his most beguiling smile at a pretty little airhead Kookaburra and invited her behind the bushes to get to know each other better.

After about 10 minutes and a lot of squaking and trumpeting he came lumbering back to the snake and announced that he had done it.

"Nice", said the Snake," but I'm going for the black!"

The Elephant said "How you gonna do that?"

"Well," said the Snake, "You see that 300 foot high tree over there? I am going to climb to the top of that and throw myself off, breaking 300 branches as I fall. I will hit the rock at the bottom, break the rock in half, land in the sand by the side of the lake and tunnel beneath the lake to the other side where I am gonna shag a crocodile within an inch of her life then come back through the tunnel I previously made, go up your trunck, into your stomach, through your intestines and out your bum" and the Elephant said

"You're not you know!"

The rest of this, the longest joke ever written involves a startled crocodile and knowledge of the internal plumbing of an elephant. It also has a cracker of a punchline. Come back soon to read more of it.