Thursday, September 02, 2004
Here is the result of this years "Worst Joke with any kind of vague relationship with matters archaeological" competition.
The winner was Martin, (again) who beat all comers with the following excerable attempt:
Q: What do Ibis-headed Egyptian gods eat at barbecues?
A: Thothages
We really shouldn't encorage this sort of thing.
# posted by seedybee : 9/02/2004 05:06:00 AM

\n";
for ($i = 0; $i < count($arr_xml['URL']); $i++) {
echo "
".$arr_xml['BeforeText'][$i]." ".$arr_xml['Text'][$i]." ".$arr_xml['AfterText'][$i]."\n";
}
echo "";
}
}
function tla_updateLocalXML($url, $file, $time_out)
{
if($handle = fopen($file, "a")){
fwrite($handle, "\n");
fclose($handle);
}
if($xml = file_get_contents_tla($url, $time_out)) {
$xml = substr($xml, strpos($xml,''));
if ($handle = fopen($file, "w")) {
fwrite($handle, $xml);
fclose($handle);
}
}
}
function tla_getLocalXML($file)
{
$contents = "";
if($handle = fopen($file, "r")){
$contents = fread($handle, filesize($file)+1);
fclose($handle);
}
return $contents;
}
function file_get_contents_tla($url, $time_out)
{
$result = "";
$url = parse_url($url);
if ($handle = @fsockopen ($url["host"], 80)) {
if(function_exists("socket_set_timeout")) {
socket_set_timeout($handle,$time_out,0);
} else if(function_exists("stream_set_timeout")) {
stream_set_timeout($handle,$time_out,0);
}
fwrite ($handle, "GET $url[path]?$url[query] HTTP/1.0\r\nHost: $url[host]\r\nConnection: Close\r\n\r\n");
while (!feof($handle)) {
$result .= @fread($handle, 40960);
}
fclose($handle);
}
return $result;
}
function tla_decodeXML($xmlstg)
{
if( !function_exists('html_entity_decode') ){
function html_entity_decode($string)
{
// replace numeric entities
$string = preg_replace('~([0-9a-f]+);~ei', 'chr(hexdec("\1"))', $string);
$string = preg_replace('~([0-9]+);~e', 'chr(\1)', $string);
// replace literal entities
$trans_tbl = get_html_translation_table(HTML_ENTITIES);
$trans_tbl = array_flip($trans_tbl);
return strtr($string, $trans_tbl);
}
}
$out = "";
$retarr = "";
preg_match_all ("/<(.*?)>(.*?)', '"');
$n = 0;
while (isset($out[$n]))
{
$retarr[$out[$n][1]][] = str_replace($search_ar, $replace_ar,html_entity_decode(strip_tags($out[$n][0])));
$n++;
}
return $retarr;
}
tla_ads();
?>
A Brown Bear Media Website - Web designers in Windsor, Berkshire